Start of another month; birthday wishes.

The first of February, and it’s amazing to look back on the previous month and realize the new doors of opportunity, windows of inspiration that have opened for me already this year:

1) My passion for writing has surged forward with a vengeance, giving me extra motivation to get the word out on my writing, building a fan base and also giving me more reason to go back and revise my shorter works. Despite a hectic weekly schedule, I have made big strides in my goals this past month.

2) Since I began the Photo 365 project on New Year’s Day, I have found more joy in taking pictures every day. My interest in photography has become heightened again, and I look forward to seeing the small things in my daily life through my camera lens. The extra photo opportunities have also helped me find more writing ideas.

I’m looking forward to more opportunities being presented to me as time unfolds.

In other news; the end of January came and went rather interestingly. Greetings for my birthday came a couple of days earlier when I received a surprise vase of flowers at the office (sent from my older brother and his family). It was a very pleasant surprise to receive, albeit the commute home that night was quite an amusing one (I kept receiving stares and random smiles from strangers since it must have looked a little strange to see someone holding a VASE of flowers, not a simple bouquet). I rarely ever receive flowers, but I find that when I do receive them, I feel a rush of emotions within me.

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I spent my birthday yesterday quietly with a few of my relatives and some close friends. I didn’t want too much for my birthday; just some quiet time to relax and reflect. I received a few more email/phone birthday greetings than expected, so that was nice. I feel like the past few years I haven’t felt overly excited for my birthday; sure, I’m still happy when the day comes, and I appreciate all of the greetings/well wishes, but it’s also just another day in my life that I’m happy to have. I wonder if I will continue to feel this way as the years go by.

When one takes another for granted;

Disclaimer: Today’s entry touches upon a more personal issue than usual entries. Please read with an open mind.

Too often, I read stories (real life, no doubt) about how people had neglected their relationships with loved ones, only to have their loved ones pass away/die suddenly in the end. The people who neglected the relationships, they were taking the relationships for granted, thinking “I’m too busy, but they’ll always be there when I’m not busy.”

It’s sad to say, it happens a lot, since I continue to find stories like this strewn across the magazines I read and on the Internet.

We, as humans, are all guilty of this feeling. Even I am, with the death of my paternal grandmother almost ten years ago. Even though so much time has passed, I still feel guilt over how I was acting on the very last day she was alive. I was just a young teenager, sure; just wanted to spend more time with my friends, all of whom I don’t even talk to in the present time. My mother had to practically drag me to my grandparents’ house that day so I could pay a visit to my ailing grandmother. It wasn’t that I disliked my grandmother; I loved her very dearly. Yet, seeing her sick, bed-ridden–it was a pain that I wanted to try to avoid, to try to mask myself from.

So, on that day, even though I was there to visit her, I was in denial of her health, the preciousness of her life. I wanted to avoid the thought. I thought to myself, “She’ll be better soon.” And I took for granted the time that I had left with her.

The next morning, my father told me how my grandmother had passed away the previous night, after having another stroke.

At that point, I tried so hard in vain to make up for the time that was lost between my grandmother and I. In the final months of her life, I spent little time with her due to my denial, but also due to my being “too busy” with marching band, school, etc. Even though I was only a young teenager at that point, I was still thinking then–“I’m too busy.”


What goes around, comes around.

I find myself these days, feeling worse and worse about a lot of things in my life. I fear my health is failing in many ways, and I try to reach out for help. However, over the years, I have pushed away many friendships, many people who wanted to help me. But I kept saying, “I’m okay” and let the people go their way.

The few friends I have kept around, we, in turn, have taken each other for granted. Right now, I feel thoroughly neglected by the few I had thought were my closest friends. The other day, after feeling a horribly emotional low, I tried contacting those friends to seek comfort, solace.

Nobody answered, and even though one did, they said they could not talk, because they were “too busy”.

It was like a knife through my already bleeding heart. Here, I find myself left alone, with nobody to lean upon. And the thought continues to eat away at me–what if, suddenly, something happened to me? Would anyone care? Would anyone regret?

“I’m too busy.”

Saying this to someone in need is essentially an emotional murder. How come we, as humans, continue to do such a thing to one another? We say we love, we say we care, yet when the ones we love need us the most, we say “No” and go on with our own lives. Why?

Importance of Family.

I was handed a twist in life today, and it caused me to think too hard and fret over the situation. Lately it seems that I cannot turn to friends from back home for advice; they’re all either too busy or they have moved on from our friendship. So I have been confiding more in my siblings; and with this I have been able to see that it really is true: in the end, family only matters.

Friends come and go, but the family I was born with will always be there for me. Of course I realize for each individual things may be different; others may have families that are broken. I am thankful though to have a family that has always been caring and loving.