change memories My San Francisco Chronicles

At a Precipice in Life.

Tonight is my final night in San Francisco; then, I will return to Denver where my heart truly belongs.

This trip was meant to be more about business for TAOpivot; however, it quickly became a trip of revisiting my past and having flashbacks to growing pains. I now realize how I really do not belong in this city anymore; that really, Denver has taken me by the hand and stolen me away for good. I don’t mind that. It’s good to close up the old wounds now.

Coincidentally, too, this trip came at a time of great change for me anyway. I hadn’t planned for it that way; I just thought I could duck out of Denver for a week before summer classes. All that has changed now as I go full-time with TAOpivot. I’m following my gut and I pray that this is the right direction to go.

My time here in San Francisco has been good for the past several days; seeing old friends, reflecting on our pasts together….I hear myself talking to them and hear a different Helene than when I lived here. I am more certain, more sure of myself and my direction in life. I see the glow in their faces as I talk about how things have been for me in Denver; I see that I have made the right choices in the past two years.

May the next two years prove to be even better.

Hot Dog Days My San Francisco Chronicles

Daily Post Day 37: “The One Who Got Away”

Summer of 2008

I was a hot dog vendor (remember those days?).

I didn’t think too highly of my appearance at that point in time, because I was in the midst of weight-loss mission #2 (#3? I can’t recall now…).

Short-haired and not enjoying the heat coming in through the back of the hot dog stand. We had the shades on but that didn’t help. I was alone at the cart that day, standing in front of Juicy Couture close to Union Square (San Francisco).

He approached me in a clouded vision. I looked up and was face to face with a man I had never met before, but he was quite attractive to me. Tall, wavy brown hair, surfer-type. He spoke his words with a smirk as he uttered his order in a unique accent. A European?

We exchanged our sheepish smiles and then he walked off to wherever he was going. I figured I wouldn’t see him again. That cart rarely got return customers, and he looked like a tourist to me.

But then he showed up again the next day, again by surprise. Shy smiles exchanged once again. I remember gushing to a visiting friend that I hoped he was a local.

He visited the next day again, and he actually dropped me some tip money at the very end after we stared at each other intensely and smiled the same way.

Those moments brought my work mood up and I looked forward to seeing him again the following week.

Monday came, and no sign of him.

Tuesday came, and the same result.

He must have been a tourist after all.


Note: In case you’re wondering, oh curious reader, no, I am not pining for this mystery man anymore. An amusing few days of our mostly-silent flirting, but it made for a good tale.

feelings My San Francisco Chronicles rant

Daily Post Day 29: Ranting Session

What’s driving me crazy these days?

That’s easy to answer: a lot of change going on! And the fact that even though I am physically removed from a place I used to love, I must still read about how “in love” my peers are with that city.

I’ll just go ahead and say the name: San Francisco. I used to be really enamored with the city, feeling my heart fill with joy every time I saw its landmarks in magazines/pictures/etc. I remember crossing the Bay Bridge into San Francisco and feeling happy seeing the cityscape.

Somewhere in the past three and a half years, I fell out of love with San Francisco. I thought I could hold on just a little bit longer because of my loved ones who reside there, but I just couldn’t do it anymore.

I can’t dislike anyone who continues to harp about the greatness of San Francisco. After all, everyone has different experiences wherever they go. I just know, for myself, I have had some traumatic times in San Francisco in only the past year.

I know, people say to persevere. And I am…but I know that right now, San Francisco is not the place for me to be.

change Life Decisions My San Francisco Chronicles

Daily Post Day 20: The Most Important Thing

The most important thing I’m putting off…

Well, since I am writing this entry after-the-fact, I can safely say right now that I put off listening to my gut feeling about leaving San Francisco.

Until everything literally blew up in front of me.

And now I see clearly that I put off this decision for too long. Two years ago, I had wanted to leave San Francisco anyway. But I decided to stay because of other reasons. And last year, I couldn’t leave because of my accident.

But now, with this waiting period before business school, what else can I do? Wait around San Francisco? Circumstances say “no”.

So I’m glad I now see that I have a way out.

family friends My San Francisco Chronicles

Daily Post Day 5: Talk vs. Text

The Daily Post is asking me whether I prefer to talk, text, or some other communication medium.

I seem to lean upon the answer of “it depends” for many questions people ask me. So that’s the answer I’m going with for this prompt:

– With family and close friends, I prefer a grab-bag of email, text, and phone calls. Of course, the most ideal form of communication would be face-to-face, but with the physical distance between us all, the other three will have to do.

– And then, with most others I associate with, I prefer email or Twitter. If I know them a little better, text. But generally, phone calls are reserved for people I am most comfortable with.

Today, I arrived back in San Francisco. I can’t say that I missed the city, but I certainly missed my loved ones here.