holiday Hot Dog Days memories Who I Am

A Holiday Weekend of Reflection

(picture from July 2008)

Independence Day has become more toned down for me these days. Two years ago, when I still lived in my first apartment here, I was lucky to have a crowd-free view of the fireworks over Pier 39. That was when I worked at the hot dog stand, and I remember having to work with the crowds over that holiday weekend. We had a lot of out-of-towners, some polite and some not-so-polite. That was the last time I saw fireworks though.

These past two years, I’ve just spent the day as “just another day” for myself and my loved ones. Home-cooked meals, staying at home…just relaxing. I’ve grown tired of the huge celebrations here in San Francisco, mainly because the huge crowds just make me feel like a lone number, nobody special.

It’s good to be in a big city to have more opportunities for career, school, diversity, etc. I’ll admit that much. But becoming lost in a large crowd, becoming a number, is depressing to me.

On Independence Day, I found myself contemplating about my life throughout the years. The people I grew up with, the places I’ve traveled to and lived in, the people I’ve met along the way…and I continue to see how much change is coming upon the horizon. Settling down is not an option for me right now; there’s more out there for me than just what I have right now.

Last week, I read a blog post about how there’s no better time to focus on than right now. And it’s all been said before, but sometimes just reading someone else’s words reaffirms that thought. Why worry about the future? It’ll always be uncertain. Why fret about the past? It’s the past, it’s long gone, it’s static. Unchangeable. Focus on what’s going on right now. Seize the day.

I’m reminding myself about this every moment I get.