Well, I took the GMAT yesterday for the fourth time, and again, my score was less than stellar. I find that the more I study, the lower my score becomes. Granted, my first three attempts were 4-5 years ago, but still–you’d think that with all the time I put in this past month for studying that I would eke out better this time around. No, not so!
I cried after I left the testing center, feeling angry and lost: is this going to stand in my way forever? Am I even meant to go back and complete my MBA degree? What am I to do? I have been staying quiet on social media and talking with friends and family about my emotions. Do I take the GMAT again or should I think hard on what to do next if not graduate business school?
I feel like God has been trying to tell me something with each unsuccessful attempt at the GMAT: I mean, what AM I on this Earth for? What is my purpose in life, especially since I am a survivor of a near-fatal car accident? After that accident, I thought the reason I survived was to go on and get my degree after all; but since 2012, I am not so sure of that trajectory anymore.
Since it’s been less than 24 hours since the end of my test, I don’t have the answer to my questions above just yet. Been taking things easy and chatting with friends about what to do next; asking myself, well, WHY do I want that MBA degree so badly? Do I want it for the right reasons? What am I searching for with this quest? Is it what I really should be focusing on?
Well, let time unwind the story from this point forward; for the time being, I will continue to do my freelance work and also focus on writing my ninth novel for NaNoWriMo. That sounds like the best plan in the meantime.