Well, I took the GMAT yesterday for the fourth time, and again, my score was less than stellar. I find that the more I study, the lower my score becomes. Granted, my first three attempts were 4-5 years ago, but still–you’d think that with all the time I put in this past month for studying that I would eke out better this time around. No, not so!
I cried after I left the testing center, feeling angry and lost: is this going to stand in my way forever? Am I even meant to go back and complete my MBA degree? What am I to do? I have been staying quiet on social media and talking with friends and family about my emotions. Do I take the GMAT again or should I think hard on what to do next if not graduate business school?
I feel like God has been trying to tell me something with each unsuccessful attempt at the GMAT: I mean, what AM I on this Earth for? What is my purpose in life, especially since I am a survivor of a near-fatal car accident? After that accident, I thought the reason I survived was to go on and get my degree after all; but since 2012, I am not so sure of that trajectory anymore.
Since it’s been less than 24 hours since the end of my test, I don’t have the answer to my questions above just yet. Been taking things easy and chatting with friends about what to do next; asking myself, well, WHY do I want that MBA degree so badly? Do I want it for the right reasons? What am I searching for with this quest? Is it what I really should be focusing on?
Well, let time unwind the story from this point forward; for the time being, I will continue to do my freelance work and also focus on writing my ninth novel for NaNoWriMo. That sounds like the best plan in the meantime.
One reply on “Life’s Many Paths”
Sometimes it takes a while for the fog to clear. Hope you find some clarity soon. Big decisions are tough but whatever you decide often turns out fine. Enjoy NaNo! I’m not participating this year but writing always helps me clear my head. 🙂 Good luck!