Slice of Life

Internal War

The physical recovery may appear to go quickly, but the mental and emotional recovery does not go along as quickly.

My family had said to me last month how it’s surprising that I’m not more traumatized from what had happened to me. My simple response: “I may not appear to be traumatized right now, but it may come back to me later.”

And here I sit now with that feeling catching up to me. A part of me wishes to “get back to normal” but a part of me is saying “stop; don’t rush it.” It is when I’m like that I start to push away others, despite needing the support. The constant war between needing solitude and then needing someone to pick me up from these dredges–it’s enough to make me want to run away.

Yesterday I found myself feeling all sorts of frustration as I strolled around the local mall. I bought myself a small notepad to start jotting down thoughts on-the-go again since I had stopped doing that for a few months. It helps to have a notebook with me, at least to let my mind throw out all the pent-up thoughts. It may not make sense, but it helps to relieve the thoughts stuffed inside my head.

My co-worker told me yesterday that the recovery period could take me up to six months, if not more. The emotional and mental aspects of the recovery come along a lot slower, but the body and mind needs a lot of time. She said for me to be patient with everything, and that’s a hard thing for me to do since I tend to be in a rush with everything.

The weather this week has been gorgeous and Spring-like in San Francisco; hoping for rebirth soon.