Category: Who I Am

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feelings time Who I Am

Reading in real-time/Nightmares

I had a nightmare last night.

I was reading a thick book and experiencing all the contents of the book in real-time. At one point, I looked out the window and saw a plume of dark grey smoke. It permeated through the air and, although I was safe inside the building, I started to hear people screaming outside.

Everyone was turning into zombies, or simply just undead.

Those of us who were inside, we tried to save ourselves, but one by one dropped and became a zombie.

Many years later, the epidemic dissipated and I found myself at the same age I had been when the zombies began to appear.

I found my family home and saw that my family was safe and also looked the same in age.

We were happy to have each other, but we heard that there were still some zombies roaming in the wild.

 

 

Then, I woke up.

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feelings Who I Am

Daily Post Day 46: I’ve Learned Recently…

One thing I have learned recently is how to handle myself and take care of myself more.

Ok, sounds vague. But that’s the truth.

This past weekend I spent time meditating on my personal defects and wondering “What’s wrong? What can I fix about MYSELF?”

I have noticed about myself that I tend to want to control or fix others more than myself. I get hung up over others’ defects and in turn that stresses me out.

I’ll admit, my nature of caring a lot for others morphs into me becoming a controlling personality. If one thing goes wrong, I go ballistic. If someone I love chooses something I don’t approve of, I grow bitter.

It certainly isn’t a way to live. And only after meditating about this did I realize I need to change myself. I need to show myself more love.


 

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life Who I Am

Daily Post Day 45: Letter to my 16-year-old self

Hey Helene,

 

You probably don’t know me yet. I’m your 26-year-old self. Crazy, right? You definitely didn’t recognize me when you first saw me.

What I am about to tell you might shock you a bit but also put you at ease. I know right now you are hung up over boys (like any other adolescent girl), but you are also so intent on proving to others you are a great trumpet player. I won’t say you aren’t, because I do believe you have a lot of potential and focus.

One thing I wish to tell you about boys: stop chasing the ones who won’t show you the affection you desire. Does chasing ever bring about a great result? Sure, wild predators chase and get their prey and enjoy their fruits of labor. But those are animals. When humans chase humans, rarely does it turn out in the chaser’s favor.

There will be a special someone in your life. Just not right now. Focus on your studies first, as Mommy has told you countless times.

And, Helene. About your talent in music: it is a beautiful gift, and I only wish you could have kept it up after that first year in college. That’s okay; what I want you to know right now is that you don’t have to feel like it’s all or nothing with your music. Don’t you feel any other passions coming forth? What happened to your writing from your elementary days? Do you have a mind for business like your parents and your elder siblings? Why don’t you explore that?

And then, about your weight. It feels like it will never come off, all those pounds. I know growing up with a lot of stick-thin classmates does not bode well on your self-esteem. I remember that feeling very well of going to buy that first pair of jeans, only to see that I had to wear a size 16…way before the teenage years! But here, Helene: IT GETS BETTER. To this day, I still can’t explain to myself how it all happened, but it happened: all that weight melted away! Oh, of course I am still wanting to gain more muscle (and lose that pooch on my belly). But honest to goodness, you are going to LOSE IT. And you are going to amaze all those who grew up around you as a girl who wore size 18 jeans and size XXL shirts.

Some things I want you to keep the same over the next ten years: Keep up that smile. Keep up that obsession with shoes (it gets fancier as you grow older!). And stay confident and focused on whatever passion comes up. Never lose hope and keep your eyes straight ahead.

 

Sincerely,

 

Helene

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Who I Am

Daily Post Day 42: My Favorite Word is…

…miscellaneous.

Why?

Really, I don’t know the reason why this is my favorite word. From a very young age, I made mixed tapes (ooh remember those?!) and titled them all “Miscellaneos” (this was before I could spell correctly). Even after I grew out of the mixed tape phase, I still preferred the world “miscellaneous” over any other word when describing a smorgasbord of things.

Give me a survey and ask me what I like. I’ll write down a few examples and then add in “miscellaneous” for kicks.

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Who I Am

Daily Post Day 32: Is the Glass Half-Empty or Half-Full?

Are you an optimist, a pessimist, or something else?

I could go either way depending on my mood. On some days, my outlook is so optimistic that it’s intoxicating to myself and others.

On other days, I can be a complete Debbie Downer.

I guess most people can say this about themselves. As far as I can recall, I have yet to meet someone who is a complete optimist or a complete pessimist. I believe I have met more pessimists than optimists though.