I have thought about meditation a lot this month. My sister-in-law wants us to take a class/workshop together on how to properly meditate. So far, we haven’t found anything short-term.
Why do I feel I need meditation? Well, don’t we all need it to stay centered in our lives? I’ve researched online programs for meditation and…well, just need another outlet for my emotions. I’ve read in articles how meditation and prayer have a subtle difference; I wish to discover this difference for myself.
One thing I have learned recently is how to handle myself and take care of myself more.
Ok, sounds vague. But that’s the truth.
This past weekend I spent time meditating on my personal defects and wondering “What’s wrong? What can I fix about MYSELF?”
I have noticed about myself that I tend to want to control or fix others more than myself. I get hung up over others’ defects and in turn that stresses me out.
I’ll admit, my nature of caring a lot for others morphs into me becoming a controlling personality. If one thing goes wrong, I go ballistic. If someone I love chooses something I don’t approve of, I grow bitter.
It certainly isn’t a way to live. And only after meditating about this did I realize I need to change myself. I need to show myself more love.
What’s driving me crazy these days?
That’s easy to answer: a lot of change going on! And the fact that even though I am physically removed from a place I used to love, I must still read about how “in love” my peers are with that city.
I’ll just go ahead and say the name: San Francisco. I used to be really enamored with the city, feeling my heart fill with joy every time I saw its landmarks in magazines/pictures/etc. I remember crossing the Bay Bridge into San Francisco and feeling happy seeing the cityscape.
Somewhere in the past three and a half years, I fell out of love with San Francisco. I thought I could hold on just a little bit longer because of my loved ones who reside there, but I just couldn’t do it anymore.
I can’t dislike anyone who continues to harp about the greatness of San Francisco. After all, everyone has different experiences wherever they go. I just know, for myself, I have had some traumatic times in San Francisco in only the past year.
I know, people say to persevere. And I am…but I know that right now, San Francisco is not the place for me to be.
(In retrospect, this prompt is highly appropriate for Jan. 18)
What gives me hope on a daily basis is just knowing that I’m never alone, that God is always there. No matter what happens, I know everything happens for a reason and that I’m meant to learn from all the good and bad that happens to me.
That’s all I have to say.
I read this quotation last week (via my Twitter feed):
To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
I notice in recent times how I’ve come out of my shell a little more, saying a little more of my opinion (in real life and on the Internet) and really, not letting others beat me down for my words. It used to be that I’d clam up and just let others tell me that my opinion is wrong.
Now, if people tell me why exactly they disagree with me (yet still maintain respect for me), I can respect their criticism. But, when they just flat-out become mean-spirited and attack me personally….well, here, I walk away and move on.
It’s not that I don’t want to defend myself, but if they go on and personally attack me when this attack has nothing to do with the original argument, then it’s useless to keep continuing the discussion. This only reflects how the other person feels insecure about his or her own opinion and just wants to stab me with something so to “prove” their superiority.
This comes through a lot on the Internet, unfortunately. I always feel irked whenever I see people just badmouthing for no particular reason on any blog post, news article, etc. Trolls, that’s what they call them. Anyway, I’ve noticed that I tend to receive a comment (or two) on some of my Muni Diaries posts about the fact that my posts are worthless, wastes people’s time, etc.
And these kinds of comments usually come from people who don’t even state their own names.
If you’re going to attack another person online, at least have the decency to show your name. That would show courage and that would hold you accountable for your own words. The Internet may seem like an easy place to escape your real-world identity, but in the end, it’s purely immature to hide behind a facade and bad-mouth others.
When I see comments like these, I wonder how the commenter’s life in the real world is like. Does this person feel like his/her life is not interesting enough, loving enough that he/she must go on the Internet to attack others?
I stand by my own words, and you can stand by yours, I’ll give you that. But remember, to get respect, you must show respect. I put my name out there, so you should put yours out there as well, especially if you’re going to criticize me. Even if you think that you are going to get away with your cruel words, just remember that what comes around goes around.