Ever since I entered grade school, I have had friends from all walks of life. Some of those friends I’ve lost touch with ages ago; some I still keep in touch with. There have been some “falling out” with a few old friends, but most of them, we just lost touch.
From time to time, I’ll think about old friends and wonder how their lives are these days. I used to have a hard time letting go of old friendships: I used to wonder how and why we had lost touch, and why we couldn’t be friends any longer. I used to send out many emails/messages to these old friends to try to reconnect but to no avail.
These days, I understand and accept this: people really do come and go in life. Some people stay in my life for a long time while others are only there for even just a day. I may strike up a conversation with a complete stranger one day and they’ll have inspired me for that time period; however, I may never run into them again. And that’s ok.
There are only at most about a handful of friends I’ve known for over ten years, and even then, sometimes I wonder if we’ll ever lose touch despite the longevity of our friendships. But when we reunite, I see that we usually pick up right where we left off, as if time and distance hadn’t really occurred.
How many of my current friends will I still be in touch with ten years from now? It’s hard to say; just have to keep swimming along with life’s current, though.
Karaoke is one of my favorite activities: when I started college, I discovered Asian-style karaoke with my friends since we lived near a large Korean community. We went to karaoke on the weekends and got our own private room to sing our hearts out for several hours. When I studied abroad in Japan in 2006, I was in karaoke heaven: karaoke places all over Tokyo and very cheap!
Sometime in the past several years, I realized I hadn’t done American-style karaoke before: the kind where you get up in front of a bar and sing to a tipsy/drunk audience. Even though I felt nervous singing in front of strangers, I suggested hitting up a karaoke bar to some friends in Denver. We went to a Czech bar on a Saturday night and put in a few of our songs into the queue.
We stayed for a couple hours, cheering on other participants and waiting for our songs to appear in the queue. I felt a rush each time I went up to sing; despite the audience being drunk/tipsy, it was fun to hear them cheering me on. After that first time, I have been to American-style karaoke several more times in Denver, Las Vegas, and Austin.
I still prefer Asian-style karaoke (I enjoy singing in front of friends more than drunk strangers), American-style karaoke is still a great activity for me to do with friends. I am glad I got this crossed off my 30 Things Before 30 List though.
I was at my thinnest in my life in this photo. July 2010.
Growing up, I have always been a people pleaser: never wanting to cause trouble for anyone, always seeking approval from others. Perhaps it was a part of the way I was brought up, to put others before myself.
I have always struggled with my body image since I was little: I was a chubby kid and I was picked on a lot. My parents were under the impression that I was just meant to be a “big” woman. Then I lost 60 lbs between 2006-2007 and proved that I was able to lose weight and look healthy. My weight then proceeded to yo-yo around 10-20lbs from 2007-2010.
Then, the 2010 accident happened and I gained a little weight during the time I was on bedrest and my parents stayed in San Francisco with me and my brother for a full month. During that time, I also started dating my ex. Things with him were fine until about a month into our relationship…
-Pokes at my stomach-
“You need to lose weight.”
“Huh? Yes, I know…”
“If you don’t lose weight, I am going to break up with you.”
His words hit me like a ton of bricks as I let it all sink in. I didn’t want to lose him, so I started working out again…and this time, I overdid it (compared to my previous experiences with working out). I exercised and dieted almost to the extreme just to keep him happy, keep him around.
Only in hindsight now do I see how miserable I was. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to get back into shape anyway, but in 2010, I wasn’t doing the health and fitness for my own happiness: I was doing it for my ex’s happiness and his approval.
Even as I watched the scale drop down to my lightest weight of 145 lbs, it still wasn’t good enough for him.
“You still need to lose your stomach.”
I wasn’t going to make him happy, even though I felt pretty happy and content with my weight loss.
Since that relationship ended, I have gained the weight back, but I am actively working on getting into the best shape of my life in a much healthier way this time. This time, I am working out and eating well for my OWN happiness, not for anyone else’s.
When I was a kid, I didn’t understand what movies, books, and adults meant by the whole phrase, “Trust your gut.” I guess most children take things more literally than figuratively. Within the past 7-8 years though, I have learned what that phrase meant through my own life experiences. Here are a couple highlights demonstrating this phrase:
Never Trust Vague Job Postings
One of my first jobs in San Francisco was working in marketing; however, the job posting had been rather cryptic as to what kind of “marketing” we would be doing. I showed up at the office for my interview and I was surprised how quickly they hired me considering my lack of experience at that point (just fresh out of undergrad).
I arrived the following day dressed up and ready to start my work “in the field”. I had no idea what they meant by this, but I liked the mentor I had since she was so enthusiastic about the job. Once we hopped into cars and left the office, though, I quickly discovered what they meant: door-to-door sales. We were selling cable to residences in San Mateo, which wasn’t too bad at first, but we ended up scouting a few sketchy neighborhoods. I felt this gnawing feeling in the bottom of my stomach as we approached each door, wondering if we were going to be safe in our work. Luckily that day ended ok and I went home, still with that gnawing feeling in my stomach but feeling happy that I completed my first day of the new job.
The next day, though, was different: I shadowed another mentor and this time, we stayed within San Francisco and were selling office supplies to all the different businesses downtown. This second mentor was more sarcastic and unamused with her work, and I felt more pain in my stomach as we approached each new office and got rejected or threatened by the administrative assistants. By the end of the day, my stomach hurt so much and I wasn’t sure if I could go out another day doing this kind of work.
So, I emailed them and quit.
Give the Benefit of the Doubt until Your Gut Tells You Otherwise
In my history of crushes, I have been lied to, manipulated, etc. But every time a new crush came along, I kept reminding myself, “Stop projecting the past crushes onto this current crush. He is NOT like them!”
I reminded myself this thought many times when I first started dating my ex: sometimes he wouldn’t answer my texts right away, or he would get defensive about me “texting too much” (even though he texted me a lot at other times anyway). Sometimes a strange text would come through where I wondered, “Was that meant for another woman?” At those times, I felt that pain in my stomach again, but I cried myself out of that pain, telling myself, “TRUST HIM! HE IS NOT LIKE THE OTHER ONES!”
Needless to say, I should have listened to my gut all along, because he was seeing other women besides me; even though he told me many times that I was his only one, he had articles of female clothing at his place that did not belong to me. More strange texts came through during the time we dated, and finally, when I moved out of San Francisco abruptly for personal health reasons, I had to face the truth that he was, indeed, a liar and a cheater. He even had the audacity to tell one of my cousins that he was single (when I was under the impression that we were still in a relationship).
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In hindsight, I shake my head at my past self for not seeing all the warning signs and following my gut, but I also understand that I had to go through that experience (and the door-to-door sales experience) to learn and grow from. I would be a very different person today if I hadn’t gone through these two experiences and really learned the meaning of “Trust Your Gut”.
On my 30 Things Before 30 list, I wrote that I wanted to commit to three months of yoga; after the three months, I would then decide whether I’d stay with the routine or move on to another activity.
Image credit to arztsamui at freedigitalphotos.net
In late 2013, I needed something to stay consistent in my life since many other aspects of my life were in flux. I decided to register for a membership at Kindness Yoga, a great local studio here in Denver. My friend Cassie had already been a member for several months and invited me to try out a class with her. Then, I tried out several types of classes over the course of a week since I had a free trial.
I liked what I saw from the classes, so I signed up for a recurring monthly membership. I made out my schedule to include five sessions of yoga classes each week. I gravitated towards several instructors who had great overall instruction, combining both the physical and the spiritual aspects of yoga in our classes.
When I began my classes, I admit I was quite self-conscious due to my body shape and the fact that I hadn’t been so physically active prior to joining the studio. At Kindness Yoga, though, I noticed that the instructors practiced what they preached: they were accepting of all body types and the instructors were patient to teach variations of different poses for those who needed easier/more difficult poses to practice. By the end of about a week of classes, I found myself letting go of that self-conscious feeling as I became more comfortable with the environment, the atmosphere, and the attitude of my fellow classmates.
I found myself more at peace and much more flexible after practicing yoga for three months straight. It became the highlight of my day, especially when daily stresses got to me. I always left class feeling relaxed and in a better mindset.
I currently have not practiced yoga in over a year now, mainly due to focusing on getting back into running shape and other priorities popping up. However, I do hope to get back into a yoga studio again soon since yoga does do me some good in my spiritual, emotional, and physical self.
