Thought of the Moment

"If you could…"

Yesterday, I was in an inquisitive mood and asked a colleague about her flute gigs/performances. “If you could make enough money off of it, would you make it your full-time job?” I asked her this since she was talking enthusiastically about a great recital she performed at recently with a new accompanist. I saw the light in her eyes grow brighter as she talked about how the performance left her feeling so happy and satisfied. I could tell that her true passion lay with her musical abilities.

The conversation gave me a lift in my already elevated mood; at the same time, though, it left me feeling somber about how reality hits all of us hard a lot. Many of us can’t do our true passion’s work full-time because it’s not stable income (and sadly oftentimes it is all about the money). Therefore, we go about having “day jobs” and then working on our true passion after we clock out from our day jobs. That’s how it goes in the artist’s world, it seems.

There are only a lucky few of us who either can make it, i.e., become well-known/famous, and quit their day jobs for what they love to do, or those of us who end up not caring so much about the money aspect and just go about with their artistic pursuits in pure bliss.

There are many times I think of these last two possibilities; many times, the second possibility leans on my mind more as I become more and more restless with everything. It’s not that I don’t enjoy what I’m doing at work now; I do enjoy it all and my co-workers/supervisors keep the atmosphere fresh and fun. But, in my mind, I feel a general restlessness over everything–a real need for change once again. It’s a natural thought that occurs within me; waiting for the next big thing.

I suppose that’s why I find it hard to really live in the moment sometimes. Always looking forward or analyzing the past–wondering, when will I finish this work-in-progress? When will I finally have some time to work on revising my drafts? It all moves too slowly for me, but I am trying to understand that patience will pay off in the end. There are cultures in the world where they must wait many many years for things to really get moving in their small villages–yet they do not complain.

I shouldn’t complain–I should just live in the moment, and understand that right now is not the time to worry about unfinished work. It’ll get finished when the time is right.