Category: Life Decisions

Ever since I made the decision to invest in myself and Hashtagitude back in July, life has been one crazy journey. Thanks to wonderful people in my life, I have received a lot of clients through referrals/word-of-mouth. I am indeed grateful for wonderful people in my life, especially in this season of Thanksgiving.

But with the abundance of appreciation and gratitude also comes the time to make decisions on what I can realistically commit to with my time: how many clients can I realistically handle without burning myself out/doing a poor job with all the work?

I have had to step down from a few extracurricular commitments in the past couple of months, and will be stepping down from several more before the end of the year as I find that my work hasn’t been up to my own standards. It’s tough to close certain chapters in life, but I must do this in order to open up more energy for other endeavors.

Last week I spoke with a colleague from a former commitment of mine and she had told me that it was very respectable for me to step down from my volunteering position when I did: “Most people are scared to walk away from commitments, but then they end up overcommitting themselves. It’s better to step away before things become overwhelming and you find yourself doing a subpar job on everything.”

Her words have resonated with me these past few days, which has prompted me to re-evaluate my current commitments and make some tough decisions.

Let’s see how things go after this week.

I have been feeling a lot of #FOMO (fear of missing out) lately: earlier this week was the LAUNCH Festival, which I had attended two years ago. I followed along on the hashtag though, and felt excited learning about all the new apps and businesses launching in San Francisco.

I was originally planning on going to SXSW Interactive this year, but backed out a couple of months ago due to finances. Since late January, Ryan and I have been attending Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University to get our finances in order. Like most Americans, I am not the best with handling my own money but am improving upon that situation now by being in FPU and thinking really hard about what kind of travel to do this year.

During my 20s, I threw my money around and, although my debt is not as much as some may have, I still know that I have not been very responsible with my money, especially in the past couple of years. Thankfully, my work and income situation has improved a lot in the past couple years, but still, there is the debt; at the start of 2015, I declared to myself that I needed to get my finances in order since I am now 30 years old and need to be more responsible so I may be a good example for my future children.

So, no Southby at all this year: no Austin or Las Vegas. It’s been tough for me to tell my fellow conference friends but they have all respected my decision because of my reasoning. Of course, that still does not stop me from feeling like I’m missing out.

I feel more peace of mind though when I remind myself that this will all be worth it in the end: when I travel to these conferences again, I will be paying for all the extra costs with money that I DO have, not credit cards. I will be debt-free.

Well, I took the GMAT yesterday for the fourth time, and again, my score was less than stellar. I find that the more I study, the lower my score becomes. Granted, my first three attempts were 4-5 years ago, but still–you’d think that with all the time I put in this past month for studying that I would eke out better this time around. No, not so!

I cried after I left the testing center, feeling angry and lost: is this going to stand in my way forever? Am I even meant to go back and complete my MBA degree? What am I to do? I have been staying quiet on social media and talking with friends and family about my emotions. Do I take the GMAT again or should I think hard on what to do next if not graduate business school?

I feel like God has been trying to tell me something with each unsuccessful attempt at the GMAT: I mean, what AM I on this Earth for? What is my purpose in life, especially since I am a survivor of a near-fatal car accident? After that accident, I thought the reason I survived was to go on and get my degree after all; but since 2012, I am not so sure of that trajectory anymore.

Since it’s been less than 24 hours since the end of my test, I don’t have the answer to my questions above just yet. Been taking things easy and chatting with friends about what to do next; asking myself, well, WHY do I want that MBA degree so badly? Do I want it for the right reasons? What am I searching for with this quest? Is it what I really should be focusing on?

Well, let time unwind the story from this point forward; for the time being, I will continue to do my freelance work and also focus on writing my ninth novel for NaNoWriMo. That sounds like the best plan in the meantime.