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change reflection

May: A Time of Change.

I received my alma mater’s alumni newsletter yesterday and it listed over 3,000 students graduated this past weekend from the school. I’m reminded of how I felt three years ago when I finished my undergraduate studies and how the world seemed so vast before me at that point. It was the end of school life, but the beginning of my professional life, or at least as most people see it, “The Adult Life”.

And now, I’m embarking on another change in my life during this month of May; the end of something, the beginning of another. Transitions seem to be happening at this time regardless of industries; people leaving their jobs to return to their home countries, counselors moving their services to another center, etc.

Change is in the air and it seems unstoppable. I often find myself face-to-face with people who are afraid of change, afraid of leaving the familiar. And then they look back on this point in their life when they’re older and they kick themselves for not having more courage to do the un-thinkable, or the unusual.

As the saying goes, ignorance is bliss. It’s best now to leap before I look and see where I land. I let fear hold me back for the past few months, but now I’m moving forward. “The End” used to be more painful for me, but I’ve grown to see that there will always be beginnings and ends throughout life. Things come and go throughout life, but those that really matter will stay throughout the changing times.

I say, bring it on; I’m ready for whatever comes my way now.

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#amreading short works the3six5 weather

the3six5 aftermath; motivation–

I meant to write sooner after I had my entry posted over at the3six5 last Saturday. But, the week has been one of those common ones: busy, jam-packed, no time to really sit down and blog…or is it all an illusion?

Today, I woke up from sleeping over 12 hours. I checked my reading list for this year and I realize I’ve read very few books so far this year. Hm. The past two years, I read books rather quickly, but I have to say, this year has been blatantly different from the past few years. A chunk of time was stolen from me, but I can’t keep dwelling on that “lost time”–just move on.

Back to my commentary on the3six5: I was anxious before April 24, worried that I wasn’t going to have much to contribute to my own post. But that morning, I woke up and felt inspired coincidentally; everything seemed to fall into place perfectly. Time and again, I realize it’s best not to worry about things because life always works out somehow, even if not “perfectly”.

I finally got around to finishing the first draft of a short story I had started writing back in October. I’m anticipating a lot to happen in the next few months, but really I need to kick my motivation up many notches. When I’m not held accountable for my goals, of course I end up procrastinating. I see that happen to me all the time until one of my loved ones metaphorically kicks me where it hurts. They never fail to get me going with their honesty.

And here it is, the last day of April–I can’t believe summer is around the corner. The weather in San Francisco this year has been strange; more rain in the spring than usual. I know rain is common for most other places in the country during the springtime; however, it is an unusual sight for this city by the bay.

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#amreading goals Internet life project reading the3six5 time

First Third, 2010.

There’s still a week left in April, but still: last night, I came to the realization that the year is almost already a third over. The time that has passed this year–it’s hard to believe how it stays in motion and that the dark period of time continues to edge further and further away.

I’ve been reviewing my journals from the last half of 2009 and I realize that, although many things change externally and internally, a lot of my thoughts stay constant. The goals I had mapped out for this year have been derailed by that unfortunate period of time, but slowly, I’m picking myself back up.

On Monday, I found myself perusing the public library and scooping up a few more books on writing. I can never get enough of these kinds of books; I’m always looking to read and learn more, to hone my craft. Writing has been dormant lately, at least creatively. Sure, I’m drafting emails and meeting minutes at work, but that’s just stating the facts. Reminds me of my days in high school when I wrote articles for the school paper.

In a few days, I’ll be leaving my mark on the3six5 Project, and I continue to feel in disbelief that my time to write my entry for the project has snuck up on me so quickly. I remember when I signed up to be a writer for the project (late last year) that I was already envisioning what I would write on April 24; I had many plans and dreams to build up to that point in time back in December. Now, I see that all those plans I had will not be written about, at least not this year. There are different things happening instead.

Life continues to amaze me with the twists and turns that come my way. Reading my journals has been like reading a suspenseful novel; didn’t know things would turn out this way, but I’ll still persevere. I’m alive today, and I’m truly thankful for that.

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#amreading Review Time

Review: Lucado’s "Fearless" Quashes Unnecessary Worries

Fearless: Imagine Your Life Without Fear Fearless: Imagine Your Life Without Fear by Max Lucado

My rating: 4 of 5 stars
Max Lucado is a pro at writing inspirational books, and “Fearless” further confirms that fact. Each chapter opens up with scenarios/small stories to warm the reader up for the topic of the chapter. Lucado includes many aspects of the Bible throughout the text just to prove more and more that people should not fear so much, that God has taken care of many of our fears/worries.

This was a great book for me to read while recovering from a car accident; definitely a good way to get my mind back on track.

View all my reviews >>

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Slice of Life

Internal War

The physical recovery may appear to go quickly, but the mental and emotional recovery does not go along as quickly.

My family had said to me last month how it’s surprising that I’m not more traumatized from what had happened to me. My simple response: “I may not appear to be traumatized right now, but it may come back to me later.”

And here I sit now with that feeling catching up to me. A part of me wishes to “get back to normal” but a part of me is saying “stop; don’t rush it.” It is when I’m like that I start to push away others, despite needing the support. The constant war between needing solitude and then needing someone to pick me up from these dredges–it’s enough to make me want to run away.

Yesterday I found myself feeling all sorts of frustration as I strolled around the local mall. I bought myself a small notepad to start jotting down thoughts on-the-go again since I had stopped doing that for a few months. It helps to have a notebook with me, at least to let my mind throw out all the pent-up thoughts. It may not make sense, but it helps to relieve the thoughts stuffed inside my head.

My co-worker told me yesterday that the recovery period could take me up to six months, if not more. The emotional and mental aspects of the recovery come along a lot slower, but the body and mind needs a lot of time. She said for me to be patient with everything, and that’s a hard thing for me to do since I tend to be in a rush with everything.

The weather this week has been gorgeous and Spring-like in San Francisco; hoping for rebirth soon.