Categories
#amwriting

The Ebb & Flow of Writing, of Life

In the past month, I haven’t really thought much about writing. Sure, there were times when I decided I wanted to write a little something, so I fired up my NEO AlphaSmart and just typed away. But, these were just rare occurrences. I found myself focused on GMAT and on other aspects of my life instead.

And now, with the GMAT completed and all the free time in the world for me again, I sit here and just ponder. A part of me feels like I need to hurry up and get back to my writing, but there’s a whole part of me that just gently nudges me and says, “Well, take your time. You don’t need to be in a hurry.”

During these past three years, I’ve seen my interest in writing go up and down a lot. There are periods of time when I feel like it’s all I can think about, that I can only focus on my novels or my short stories and devour everything I can when it comes to writing reference and self-help books from the library or the bookstore. And then, the complete opposite happens: I stop writing, I stop reading, and I’m just befuddled as to what to do with my time.

That’s just how it goes. And right now seems to be a period of nothingness after all the rollercoaster feelings I’ve gone through over the summer. Perhaps I’ll find that passion for writing again. I know I will, but I suppose I can’t always expect life to move so quickly with everything I want to do. Just take it all one moment at a time.

Categories
change friends life

48 Hours Later: Change is Arriving

It’s strange to me that I sit here today with a completely different mindset than on Sunday afternoon. Yesterday, I decided to go downtown for some shopping and also to visit some old friends. The idea of reconnecting with others really invigorated me and gave me a renewed outlook; plus, it didn’t hurt to hear their insight on my predicament from last Friday.

I realize now (and I’d known before but seemed to have forgotten) that….well, there’s always more than one way to get to a destination, a goal. It’s not always cut-and-dry, it’s not always easy. Nothing is easy in life–that’s what my family continues to say to me. But I should be grateful for all that has happened this year, both good and bad. I’ve learned a lot this year, maybe more than in previous years. I suppose it’s always like that: each new year brings along new lessons.

Now, the next step seems clearer than it did on Sunday. My first baby step is to get over my fear of change. It happens all the time (change). I need to learn to move with it instead of fight it.

Categories
life Life Decisions

Roadblocks Along Life.

Panorama 5 of Gunma Museum of Art,Tatebayashi ...Image via Wikipedia

Another delayed post. The past few weeks have been hectic, especially on the weekends, so I haven’t had time to really think of much to write about.
In short, the fruits of my labor weren’t realized on Friday when I took my actual GMAT for the third time. The whole weekend I’ve been pondering what to do next, and it doesn’t really help that I feel tugged from different directions. There’s a road that I want to travel upon to get to my destination, but somehow there are roadblocks coming along that I didn’t expect. And now, I can only contemplate what to do next.
I know I need to find my place in life, that I need to achieve my goals. But then the question comes as well: what is really important to me? The past few days, I’ve thought about that and observed my surroundings, and I see what’s important to me. I don’t need anything more. Yet I find myself fighting for more anyway.
I suppose we all go through this phase at some point in our lives. Sometimes it happens early on in our lives, and sometimes it happens much later.
Well, that’s all I have to say. Until Tuesday, then.

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Categories
Slice of Life

iPhone 4: I’m Ahead of the Curve

The new Apple iPhoneImage by Victor Svensson via Flickr

I can’t help but mention about my iPhone 4–mainly because this is the first time in awhile I’ve given into the technology craze around here. For me, I only get hyped up about certain products/electronics if those closest to me are overzealous about the products. Then, once I purchase it, I keep it forever–I’m one of those people who keep it simple and just stick with the product as is, not giving into the yearly updates/upgrades/etc.

The last time I remember “giving in” to an electronic craze? Back in late 2004/early 2005, I went to Japan for the first time, and one of my good friends kept talking about the new Panasonic Lumix FX7. I now forget why exactly the camera was so innovative at that point, but I went ahead and plunked down the money for the newest camera. I brought it back to the States and my friends were in awe over the sleek, slim design of the camera (back then, remember, US digital cameras were still bulky and similar to 35mm cameras).

Ah, but the years have passed, and the cameras in the US are now just as slim and compact as what the Lumix FX7 was in Japan 5-6 years ago. But, I still have my trusty little camera with me because it’s lasted all these years, and I figure, why buy a new one if this one still works perfectly well?

So this brings me to the whole iPhone 4 schpiel at the beginning: oh, even though I’m one of the early adopters (one of many here in the Bay Area, sigh), I feel I’ll probably still stick with the iPhone 4 even when Apple rolls out iPhone 5, 6, etc. in the next few years. Who knows. Technology continues to slide on quickly and consumers continue to grab at each new technological advance, so of course companies will continue to work hard on getting new products out.

But I’ll still stick with my trusty electronics until they completely die out on me. We’ll see what the future holds for this new gadget.

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Categories
Slice of Life

New month, 6 months.

Emotions showImage via Wikipedia

This past week: what a whirlwind. Things flew by so quickly that I didn’t even notice that Friday had come and gone until it was too late. Appointments, classes, cooking, etc. Amidst it all, I spent very little time on my computer, which to me is usually a good thing since I don’t like spending hours in front of the computer and over-thinking things.

Yesterday, July 31st, marked six months since that dark period of time for me. Exactly six months–my colleague had once told me how it takes up to six months to completely heal from everything that happens in a traumatic event. I was too quick to recover and be up and running again; little did I realize that my mind, my emotions, were slower to recuperate.
Can I say that I’ve healed a lot during this year? Yes, and no. At times there are still flashbacks, and it’s one of those periods in time where, as hard as we may try to forget about it, it’ll still linger in our minds. I suppose it doesn’t help that the trauma occurred on my birthday, so of course I can never forget it now.
But, really, what good does it do to continue dwelling upon this? Re-hashing the past, trying to think of ways things “could have been” if A didn’t happen or this and that–it’s no use. It just causes more emotional distress, trying to alter the past when that’s wholly impossible. It’s best to continue walking along on this path and just look forward. Keep looking forward and don’t look back.
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